Artemis Fowl Meets Fan Fiction
by Amy Shadows
Summary: What happens when Foaly discovers fanfiction.net? Will crazy havoc insue or will they take it lightly? Yeah, right. Many shot story!
1. The Havoc Begins

Disclaimer: I do not own the Artemis Fowl characters or any of the likenesses. I also do not own , I am just a member. Read, review and do not flame.

Foaly typed in some coordinates on his computer, eager to browse the mud men super highway. One webpage caught his eyes as he browsed some of the more popular pages. It had every key word that would lead to investigation. LEP, Foaly, Haven, Root, Holly. Every word that would appear under the hit list had appeared under that one website.

"Commander, get Holly and Artemis and get here instantly."

Moments later they were all sitting in Foaly's office surrounded by monitors all showing the same thing. 

"What is this Foaly?" Holly asked. "You brought us all the way down here to show us some mud men story site."

Foaly chuckled. He loved explaining himself and the captain had just given him valid reason to. "Actually, this is a lot more extreme than some mud men story site."

"Could we please quite using the phrase mud men?" Artemis asked. "There's one sitting right here you know."

"Hey, I've got an idea," came Commander Root's voice. "Why don't we stop this immature little chat here and get to the point. Some of us have serious work to do."

Foaly grumbled about something involving respect and paychecks before continuing. "Okay, while doing some…uh…research, I came upon a certain website which is very popular among the mud…humans…nowadays. After further research I discovered some of the LEP key words to search. I discovered this."

Foaly clicked on the book icon and a list of many different book titles popped up on the monitor. He clicked again on another icon and there was a gasp heard round the room. It was the icon titled Artemis Fowl.

"What is this," Artemis whispered, mesmerized from the very first instant.

"This is a website where people come to submit there own versions of stories based on movies or books, which means that someone out there has been chronicling our entire lives. Look," Foaly said pointing at a summary that read Takes Place after Eternity Code. "These people know all about our lives, and they are creating their own versions."

Holly ran her hand across one of the screens in shock. "How do they know all this, Foaly," she whispered. "Does this mean they are going to start coming?"

"For all they know we are fictional characters created by some guy named Eoin Colfer." Foaly said with a shrug. "I told you we should have mindwiped him."

"What all do they say, Foaly?" Root asked, his tone and temper calmed down a little by the shock.

"Well, according to a few of these I'm a sadistic game show host, Root, you're a major hot head, and Holly, you and Artemis…" Foaly pointed to one of the screens that had a giant A/H on the screen. The two stepped quickly away from each other.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Holly whispered. Artemis opened his mouth to make a comment but no noise would come out.

"That's not the only coupling they have on here, it's really messed up. Check out some of these." Foaly manipulated the screen a little and brought up all the romance stories. There was coupling in everything pair there could be. 

"Hey," Root said happily. "I must be pretty popular on here, look at how many wives I've had."

Foaly did a fake cough and whispered something that sounded remarkably similar to "Not to mention husbands."

Holly stepped forward and tried to take charge of the situation before the commander could strangle the centaur. "Look, this is no time to make sarcastic comments or hurt each other. We have to go and hunt these people down!"

"One problem," Root said, coming from his 'must kill Foaly' trance. "If we go after them our pictures and identities will end up posted all over the internet."

"You're forgetting something," Artemis said softly. "They already are."

There was a long pause and each member of the group looked up. "Let's go," Root said and they each weaponed up and left the room.

Soooo, what'd you all think? If you would like to be one of the author's hunted down say so in the review, send in your requests before December 14 because the story should be up by the 17. Thanks for your time! 


	2. Unanswered Questions Author's Note

Hey everyone, this is Amy here in a quick little author's note. Actually, not a quick one, not really a little one either. This is going to be my "thank you's", my apologies, my answers to some questions, and my commercial for what is to come.

First of all, I would like to apologize to everyone who's been reading my work. I don't get to get on the compy that often so it makes it a little bit harder to finish my started work. Secondly I'd like to apologize to all of you who have been reading my fic Artemis Meets FanFiction, since it has been so long since I've actually worked on it. I'm lazy and a procrastinator, not a good mix. Also, I'm sorry that AMFF is going to take so long. I got an overwhelming response to that one and I've decided to make it an "as many shots as I need"

Now I would like to thank some of the people who have been reading my work. Angela Dawne, just cause she's a nice reviewer and totally awesome fic writer!!!! Everybody who reviewed my Artemis Meets Fan Fictionjust because you guys are awesome (and there are too many of you to name!!! It's been up the shortest amount of time and already has the most!) Okay, I just realized that thanking everyone who reviewed would take, pretty literally, forever, so instead I'll thank the people who have me under their fav's lists. Miss Cassi, thanks for the nice reviews! LottiRebel, love the name! Totally awesome. Atled Willy, yet again, awesome name! Um, I can't think of comments for some of you guys (SORRY!!!) So I'll just give a huge thank you to Lady Page, Fan of Fan Fic, PeanutButterOreoCookieGirl99, MarcKal, kissimi-crazy, kiesh, Lombadia Greenleaf, cmartist, The Apocalypse, The Oddbird, marie0991 (Thanks for letting me be your beta reader!) and neutralgal.

Okay, now for the reason I am really here. To answer some of the questions I've gotten in my different fan fics. I'll do it by fic.

Somebody Who Loves Me: Okay, this one brought up a very good question about how I decided to make Root Holly's father (sorry if I just spoiled that for some people) The way it is being written makes it where Holly has been lead to believe that her father is dead as a way of protecting her in this dangerous line of work. It is a well known fact that in every movie that child is always kidnapped or held for ransom or something. And a main point brought up is the OOCness, which I am blaming on the fact that they've been apart for 7-8 years and have had so much happen to them that it has caused a dramatic change in their personalities. Um, Juliet calling Domovoi by Butler is supposed to be her way of trying to keep the secret. I think that by having Artemis hear "Domovoi" it would spark something. And that's all for that one!

Next is Fear Factor: The main question (or really, only question) has been about how cruel I've made Foaly. I figure that this is my chance to really change him up a bit and let him get his revenge for all the years or donkey work and insults. I think it would drive the saneist person insane after awhile.

APBad: This is actually one of my personal favorites. It was written while I was sick and taking cough syrup with coca cola. The main thing people have been asking me is "will you bring back the mushroom people?" and my answer is a simple, yes, yes I will. I don't know when I will, but I will.

Now, last but certainly not least, this one: The main comment has been "please don't make this a two shot!" Which, judging by the 35 review count, it won't be. I'm also sorry that I couldn't keep my promise to make this chapter come out on the 17th, but I've been really overwhelmed with exams and such. Plus the whole no compy time thing. And I don't know how Eoin found out about the faeries, I just figured it would put a nice twist to get this started (how else would we all know about them?) Oh, Cyberspace, I definentely need a description of you (and everyone else) who plans on having the cast hunt them down.

Those seem to be all the really unanswered questions. Now I shall go on to do my commercial for the next, probably gajillion, chapters of Artemis Fowl meets FanFiction!!!

You think you're safe

Author: I think I'll do another Holly/Arty ship. People seem to like those

But what you don't know is

Artemis:They mademepregnant! She's going down.

They know...

Coming soon

Artemis Fowl Meets FanFiction

Just when you thought you were safe at your computer...

Okay everyone, that ends my mindless ramblings. I'm going to continue work on this, but it may take awhile since I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow. If you want to be in this I need a character description. Now please review and continue with your questions. Answering is fun. Read, review, don't flame me or report or anything like that. I hope you all have Merry Christmases, Happy Hannukah's, Happy Kwanzaa's, or some other Happy nondenominational holiday. Read on!


	3. The First Two Victims

Author's Note: Okay let's get this over with...I don't own Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter, any of the references in here, and I also do not own any Neutrino's, but if someone knows how to get one...let me know!

The group had decided to split up into two different groups based on which types of fanfics they were each depicted in. Artemis and Holly went off together to search for the "coupling" fans and Root and Foaly went searching for the ones that ruined their characters. (Authors Note: In this chappy we'll follow Arty and Holly to the first two houses.

Artemis and Holly both pulled out their lists and began searching over the author's names. "I think we should go alphabetically by first." Artemis said as he looked it over. That seems to be how it's listed on here anyway." Holly shrugged her shoulders in agreement before she started laughing. "What, what is it?"

"You're gonna love this, Arty boy." She said as she flipped through some pages. "Look at this Angela Dawne persons work." Holly then pulled out a printed off story and handed it to the boy. "It's called 'Unthinkable'."

The boy sat and read through the story, his eyes bugging out of his head with every sentence of it. "I'm pregnant!!!" He screamed.

"First on the list?" Holly asked. If Artemis didn't know better he would say she was enjoying this. Of course, she had quite a bit to be angry about too. After all, she was married to an emotionally challenged mud boy in that one.

"Yes..." he grumbled. Holly pulled her Neutrino out and set it to a special fan fiction author setting, painful but not lethal. It was only meant to be used if the mud men tried to fight back. Until then it was all physical blows.

"I wouldn't get too 'trigger happy' if I were you, captain," the boy said angrily as he continued reading the fan fic, obviously sucked in. "Any fatal injuries, no matter how unintentional, will only get us both into more trouble."

Holly smirked as she watched his eyes moving, undoubtedly reading the rest of the fic. Hmm… Holly thought, let's see how nice he is to her after he finishes…

It was pretty obvious that he had finished. "Triplets!!!" Holly had to turn away from the boy to avoid laughing in his face right then. The temptation could've killed her. "Oh, she is going down…pardon the cliché."

"You're pardoned. Come on!"

Author's House:

Angela Dawne sat in front of her computer thinking about what she could make happen in the next chapter. Next to the mouse was a pile of freshly sharpened pencils, just in case she needed them (Foaly has a tin foil hat for his paranoia, so she's going to have her pencils.)

Suddenly an idea came to her. She began typing furiously. Past her window, without her ever noticing, walked the elf and the boy. Holly was "cleverly" disguised as a human. Cleverly meaning she had stolen the outfit from one of those creepy mannequin things. The sun shone off her gun holster and cast a light into the computer room. Angela looked up and out the window, the two had already hidden at that point, and shrugged her shoulders.

Back Outside:

"How are we supposed to get in there?" Holly hissed at the boy. "Especially without her noticing." Holly looked over to where the boy was sitting and could see him trying to figure out what they could do.

"I've got it..."

Inside:

Ding Dong!!!

Angela Dawne sighed and walked from the computer. She went and opened the door for the two standing outside.

"Look, if you two are trying to sell me something, I'll let you know that I don't want any. But let's see it anyway." Artemis and Holly cast each other an evil smile and attacked. The fan fic author broke free from there grasps thanks to two things. 1. She was bigger than Holly and 2. Artemis fights like a girl.

"Back, back I say!" Angela yelled as she grabbed one of her freshly sharpened pencils. "I've got a pencil and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Holly pulled out her Neutrino and fired one shot, knocking the pencil from the girl's hand. Angela knew instantly who they were at that moment.

"Oh my Gods!" She cried out. "It's Artemis and Holly!"

"I'd say a little mind wipe is in order..." Holly said as she attempted to knock the girl out with a small blast. Instead she got a very sharp pencil jabbed into her side. Not lethal, barely painful, but annoying none the less. Holly fired off a round into the room, to scare the girl, not to injure her.

"Hey! You're going to break the computer!" Angela said, throwing herself in front of the primitive mud man computer. Holly laughed; she had seen those in museums. Artemis, however, was rather impressed.

"Wow, what style is this one..." He started. Suddenly he heard a cough come from Holly.

"Hey, pregnant boy!" She shouted. Artemis looked at her for a second before it finally came back.

"Oh, come on Holly; let's get this job over with."

Later...

Artemis and Holly were walking down the street to the next house on the list, each of them holding ice cream (you know how it is, attack an author, eat an ice cream…) Suddenly, off in the distance they could see three very familiar faces.

"Hey Harry!" Holly shouted. "Are you three of hunting down fan fic authors?" Harry, Hermione, and Ron all nodded.

"We just got back from attacking Amy Shadows." Harry said.

"But she's never written and HP fics, just the Artemis Fowl ones, and the occasional random one." Artemis said.

"Yeah, but have you seen her favorites list?" Hermione said knowingly. The other three walked off and our two "hero's" made their way towards the authors home.

When they got there the door was already blasted open and Amy was waiting in a terrified manner behind a giant fake tree.

"Are they gone?" She whispered.

"Yeah," Holly said smugly. "But they aren't the ones you should worry about…"

Author's note:

Hey! So what'd'ya think? I know I know...lame...I promise it'll get better. (Hopefully) Sorry it took me so long to finally update, but you know how it is. Overwhelmed with homework, lack of sleep, school and all that jazz. It gets kinda hard to keep up with my fics. I promise to try and update more often when I finish getting caught up with everything else. Thanks to all the fans out there, and thank you for not hunting me down to kill me. Tune in next time for when the next two get attacked.

(Just to explain one joke in here, some friends of mine after I told them about the idea made it clear to me that they thought the HP kids would be perfectly willing to hunt me down, so I decided to make it interesting and have them do just that :) So I hope you enjoyed this chapter.)

As usual...Read, Review, NO FLAMES PLEASE!!! begs on hands and knees


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